From Amy Giacomucci

This is a message for Hannah Wright.

NecromancyCanItHarmYourChildrenYesObviously.blogger.com? The NecromancyCanItHarmYourChildrenYesObviously.blogger.com? You're telling me that the lead contributor to NecromancyCanItHarmYourChildrenYesObviously.blogger.com is reading my theories, right now? And she thinks they are wrong?

You know that the reason why I'm not pro-necromancy-theory is because of NecromancyCanItHarmYourChildrenYesObviously.blogger.com, right? Of course I considered necromancy early on, and yes, sure, sometimes blood sacrifice can get messy and imprecise, but it doesn't make sense if there's not anything to sacrifice to or for! It's not about deities, and it's not about the metaphorical deity of the cult of celebrity, i.e. Julie. This was obviously about the advancement of technology! Anthony Wheyface is attempting to create a new order of life. The motive is admittedly shaky, but with all of the emphasis on new media his company has had recently? He's clearly trying to master the newest innovations, and what is more innovative than the combination of man and machine, of birth and creation? Now, why he needs to have a podcast about it is anyone's guess, but I suppose we all have our creative outlets and all that.

I just don't see a place for necromancy here!

Really loving the podcast, wonderful work.

From Hannah Wright

Uh yeah, hi again Arden, as a follow-up to some egregious and unfactual information from the aforementioned Amy Giacomucci, can I just say that while her understanding of basic necromantic practice is correct and even commendable, that she’s missing a big old piece of info that is easily found on my highly academic research collection, NecromancyCanItHarmYourChildrenYesObviously.blogger.com. Sure your basic blood necromancy uses up the blood, but hey you know what! It’s not an exact science! And the ceremonies that require the most blood, like becoming an undead shell of your former popstar self, tends to leave remnants that can’t be used for other purposes! Like say, a torso!

Furthermore, no one’s disputing that Wheyface and/or Wheyface’s imaginary clone have the economic clout to make cyborgs happen, but why is that relevant to Julie? Wheyface doesn’t have a dog in this fight!

He doesn’t, right?

From Amy Giaccomucci

Dear Arden Podcast,

I see that you have received a tip from some Hannah Wright disagreeing with my theories. While I strongly believe that all theories only take us closer to the truth, I find it interesting that I am being targeted by someone who tried to cite "blood-focused necromancy" as the motive when the so-called "necromancer" didn't even use the blood. You have to use the blood for it to be blood-based necromancy, that's the whole point of it being blood-based. It's not "put an injured person in a car"-based necromancy. Furthermore, you're telling me that the blood-based necromancer would only take the part of the body with the heart? Why not the bones? That's where the blood gets made, which you would know if you had bothered to look into the mechanics of cyborgs and cloning before attempting to refute me. Speaking of, the Wheyface brand is clearly branching into technology! You know what counts as technology? Cyborgs. It's not like I'm pulling this out of nowhere!

And yes, I am very familiar with Avril Lavigne's body double, Melissa, but I'm sorry, I didn't realize that minor cosmetic surgery and assumption of a star's identity was the same thing as being genetically indistinguishable from one another at every level.

Love the show!

Yours,

Amy

P.S. Andy Wheyface is only a figurehead. The real mastermind is Anthony, his twin-slash-clone, which you would have found with a cursory check of page 8 of the Bing results for "Capsom Clone Theory"

From Hannah Wright

Listen I don’t know who is screening these tips of yours, but frankly I take umbrage with this “””Amy Giacomucci””” character. Twins theories? Really? What is this, the Avril Levigne conspiracy? Julie Capsom’s behavior was consistent throughout her whole life until days before she disappeared. Frankly that smacks more of a mental break or a post-death necromantic learning curve than TWINS.

Also cyborgs? Ridiculous. Talk about environmental waste. Reduce, reuse, recycle, that’s what I say. Like NECROMANCY.

And it’s ANDY Wheyface, good grief.

Yours,
Hannah Wright

From Sean Baker

I think Julie Capsom faked her death, changed her face and name, and is now living as Rosemary, Brenda's assistant. Look out behind you, Brenda!

From Hannah Wright

Yeah, I got a tip for your show—
Have we ruled out necromancy? Like the torso in the trunk, Julie’s blood back there but nowhere else? Sounds like some nasty blood-focused necromancy, you know? If you ask me, Julie was dead long before she disappeared, and her undead wizard powers are keeping her in stasis until she’s ready to return with an army of the undead, probably spearheaded by Ralph and Gerald and all the other folks who have disappeared looking for her. That’s the REAL Capsom curse: necromancy.

From Amy Giacomucci

1. There is no proof that cyborgs do not exist.

2. There is no proof* that Ralph is not alive.

3. There is no proof that points (1) and (2) are unrelated to one another.

4. Anthony Wheyface has the money and eccentricity to make a cyborg, and then make a show where people do not realize that he has made the cyborg that brought the two of them together in the first place.

5. Point (4) is not unrelated to point (3).

From Bobby in Agoura

Julie is Andy Wheyface.  Or at least majorly involved in/behind Wheyface Industries.  (What do we know about him/them, anyway?). She was overwhelmed by her parents’ media empire and expectations and wanted out.  Ralph probably had some underground connections from the drug world and she had money, so they got out together in a manner befitting her notoriety.  Re: the blood in the trunk, she pulled an Amy-from-Gone-Girl-before-Gone-Girl.  And the torso?   Black market.

Alternatively, this is all part of an long term project exploring culture’s obsession with celebrity, tragedy, and crime.  She will reveal herself to be the real persona behind Wheyface on air.

From Anastasia Maslyukova

Julie did it- but not how you think. 

Julie was obviously pretty sick of her life, her family, even friends and career probably. So, deciding to play along with the 'reckless' personality- she takes charge and turns it all around. I would love to say she lives now a normal and happy life, but here comes the fun part- JULIE. IS. BIGFOOT. 

 Not /actually/ bigfoot (well, actually, maybe... But that might be another theory), but she lives in the forest, causing chaos where needed. Burned evidence? Julie. Brendas poor poor truck? Julie. Probably more, probably disclosed or forgotten, small inconsistencies? Julie. Ralph?? Not Julie... But maybe something she was running away from?

And that Jeff... Geof? Goldbry? Jeff goldblum, the one who had the tire thrown at, helped julie! The inconsistencies in his stories are because he didn't want to betray her, and it would also explain the wig used as a disguise for her. The blood, however, could have been Ralph's (was it tested? Was Ralph's body tested?) Or even Julie's, maybe she was cutting out some kind of microchip from under her flesh (I knew celebrities must have had microchips!).

And Brenda: do you know or remember if any tips came through the years, "I saw Julie Capsom at this place and that place!"? Did any of them happen to be in a musty, dark, forest? A place where she, or any regular citizen, should not be? Her presence, maybe even, felt in the dead of night?

From Aurora Martinez del Rio

Her parents did it. Best way to eliminate bad press due to a rebellious daughter? Get rid of the source. Need to disappear someone from the middle of the woods? A helicopter is small change if you are hollywood rich.

@ostiumpodcast

You know, @ArdenPod, Julie Capsom disappeared in Humboldt County, which isn't too far from the purported location of Ostium . . . #ostiumdidit

@juliamorizawa‏

My theory: I think Julie and Ralph faked their own deaths/disappearances together and are living under new identities on some remote farm in the middle of nowhere.

From Amy Giacomucci

Kid actors are usually twins, right? So what if there really were two Julies, and not just “oh that doesn’t seem like the Julie -I- knew”? What if Julie was two twins?

Let’s say some parents really wanted to keep their kids’ lives private, but they were in the spotlight. Let’s say their bosses wanted to put any kids they saw on camera, but twins? It would be a crime not to put them on set. Saying they had one kid instead of two would be a really good way to get their kids out of that life, and if neither of them had ever wanted to act or see a spotlight no one would have even noticed.

It is very hard to make the right choice in parenting.

Anyway, I think they were twins. And I hope they wanted to see each other live whole lives instead of both of them living the same one. And I hope that’s what they’re doing now.

(This theory also applies to triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets, and clones.)

From Chris Magilton

A guy I know who was assistant to a key grip on a telemovie that had once worked for Anson Williams swore to me one night when he was drunk that he knew for a fact that the kidnapping was staged as part of an experimental film by Lars von Trier that Julie Capsom agreed to play the lead on that has been filming in the Sierras ever since and is due for release sometime around July 2023.

​

From @michellevelyna

Bea did it

From Lee Davis-Thalbourne

if you ask me? It was the weasels. Those damn sneaky, dirty SEDITIOUS weasels!!! I don't mean some weaselly person, oh no, it was those little, four legged, too long, CRIMINAL and above all lactose-intolerant WEASELS!!! Look into that!

From Doles

It was Natalie. 

From Natalie

Ralph Did It!

From Vince

Ralph is innocent!

From Gerald

It was the skunk ape!